Faking, remaking myself for you
by Chibi-chibi-kun
Summary: Sometimes you have to work for what you want,in this case Ed wants Envy.But when the Sin only sees Ed as an opportunity to gain more points with Father what will Ed do? How far will Ed allow his trueself out?EdEnvy based on manga DISCONTINUED
1. secret

ok another one from me!ok the beginng is sort of boring, but it'll get better it's going to be an edxenvy fic!

this just sets up the whole paln/ situation

It's like a prolouge I guesse...'

* * *

Ed's pov

* * *

He was constantly on my mind, I didn't understandt why.

Why someone who wants me dead, why do I have such fantasies about him!

His gracfully body, his lovly eyes, I pictured them everynight, at first I thought it was just because I hated him, but...in grew more and soon it wasn't the feeling of hate it was the feeling of wanting his body against my own, wanting his lips on mine, wanting his hands to travle all over me.

Yes, stupid as it is, it didn't take long from me to realize that I had fallen in love with this deadly homunculus.

As wrong as it it...I can't help these feelings, but I know he could never love me in way like that.All I am to them is a tool, a 'human sacrifice' that's what I am to him and he hates me, that much can be said.

But the times that we figth, I sometimes purposly try to prolong it, when his hand coloads with my face, I don't care it's the closest I can get to him.When we figth and I see, I feel happy or at ease, but I know I can't show how I feel inside.For one, my pride won't let, two Al would freak and three his my enemy.

I'm stupid...but I love so much, at first I kept it a secret, and told no one of my feelings, but Al's too sharp for his own good.

* * *

"Nii-san we need to talk!" cried Al from the kitchen, I was just reading a book on Alchemy I was on the last chapter too!

"Coming Al!"

I sighed geting of the bed, walking downstairs I was down in moments.

"What's the matter Al?" I asked as I enterd the kitchen sitting on a near by chair. His hallow footsteps pound on the floor.

"THIS!" he placed a drawing pad on the table, my eyes widen .It was the drawing pad I hid in my room under a loose floorborad.When I wasn't reading I would be drawing.Why did I hide it?Theres a VERY good reason for that.

"It's just a drawing pad Al...nothing big..." I said faking a smile, rather poorly.

"Then why are all these in here!" he opened it to the forst page, I couldn't help but blush.

It was a drawing I did of Envy, and it wasn't a drawing little kids should see...ahem...

"AL!You have no right to look throught my stuff like that!How'd you know where I hid ti anyway?"

"I don't you left there on your bed yeturday when you went to report to Mustange!I was cleaning your room, because it looked like a pig lived there and what do I find?A drawing pad filled with nothing but ENVY!"

"So...?"

"And not only is this so...'strange', i read the poem you wrote on you last one! Brother how can you love such a monster!"

"HIS NOT A MONSTER!AL WHY DOES IT EVEN MATTER!"

"IT DOES MATTER ED!"

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" I roared as I picked up it up ,turning my back on Al, for once he reall pisssed me off, he had no rigth to look throught it and the tell me off for doing or feel what I do!

"ED!WAIT!I'M SORRY!" cried Al in a sincer, scared tone, he always does that when he thinks I'm made at him,I sighed.I could never stay made at him.

"Look...just drop it ok Al?"

"Ok...but...nii-san...do you really love him...that much?" he asked, I felt my face heat up, that day red had been added a few new shades.

"Yeah..."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"...?Tell who?"

"You know...!"

"Who?"

"Envy!"

"WHAT ARE YOU INSANE?"

"But, but I think you should really tell him Ed!"

"NO!I'm not telling him!"

"Why not!"

"Cause I already know he'd reject me falat out thats why!"

"But you still should tell!"

Al don't you get it!I've always known it was a hopless thing, but...I WANT HIM!I really do!BGut he doesn't even notice me whne it's got nothing to do with the stone!"I clenched my fists looking away, hearing myself speak the truth, really hurt a bit.

"Then...why don't you try to MAKE him notice you?"

"Al...thats impossible!"

"Do you love him?"

"Yes..."

"Then it's not, just think up ways for him to finally notice you as you and not as the'fullmetal alchemist'!"

"But...how...?"

"I donno do something...different!"

"Diffrent...yeah...I could go with that...!"

"I hope you make it niisan!"

"But hey!I thought you were against my feelings in the first place!"

"Well, a bit but with out you I can have Winry!"

"...you can HAVE her!"

"...niii-san...I was jokeing!"

"Oh!"

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review!bye! 


	2. Let's play

ok the first part was bad ,me knows this, sorry!

well heres next part!Ed will seem maybe just a little out of character from the anime/manga!Sorry!

* * *

"HAGENE NO!ARE YOU LISTENING TO WHAT i'M SAYING?"

"It depends if it's something important...coronel"I siad sigehd as I sloched in the chair, man Mustange can be a real pain, especially in the morning.

"Hagene no..!"

"Why don't you just call me Ed?"

"Fine Ed!Why have been slacking!"

"Why would you care?Got a crush on me or something?"

Mustange gave me a blank stare, I guesse his just not use to me actually talking back to him, REAL good.

"Ed what the heck is wrong with you?You've been strange for two weeks, you've been avoiding the militiry, you dissappear without notice...this is not NORMAL!"

"No, what's not normal is you obession with miniskirts..."

"GET OUT!YOU NKOW WHAT YOU ASSIGNMENT IS NOW GO!"

"Nani?What did I do wronge?"I asked puting on a puppy dog look acting innocent, it seemed to have ticked him off even more.His face grew red from the annoience and anger bubbling inside him.He rose from he's chair and yelled at the top of his stupidly strong lungs.

"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE YOU MIDGET!"

"WHOAREYOUCALLINGAMIDGETSOSMALLTHATHEMAKESANANTFELL40STORESTALL!"

"GET OUT!"

He threw a random book at me,dodgeing it I jumped out of the chair, and raced to the door and slamming it behind me'boy was he PMSing of somthing?'

"Edward-kun, what did you do this time?" came the voice of Luietanent Hawkeye.I looked up giving her a sheepish grin.

"oh!Hi...sorry Liuteanent!But you should wait fro a while, his a bit pissy at the moment."

"Edwrad..."she said in a disaproving tone of voice,"why are acting like this?"

"Aw, not you too!I'm fine!Really!Anyway gotta gome and Al have to head outagain."

"Edward...just be careful ok?"she gave me a wram smile, I nodded at her and left the hall.

* * *

Hawkeye's pov, just her thoughts mainly

* * *

_Edwar-kun had been acting strangly, I was worrying about him._

_He arrived with eyelinerand black highlights in his hair!His attitude was different, it was like a new Edward had come out.I asked Alphonse-kun what was wronge and he said that's just how Edward is._

_I've come to accept this sudden change at some point._

_True, he gets himself in even more trouble, and annoys Roy, but he hasn't lost his maturity._

_I just hope that this sudden change is all for the best and not for the worst._

_

* * *

_

Ed's pov

* * *

I walked out, I mean really is there really any thign worng with my change?

All I really did was change my clothes a bit was all.I swiched my red cloack wiht a black hood zip-up sweater with a red pentagle, my regular black leather pants with chains added to it, my boots and black gloves.

Not that strange right?And I also decided to give eyeliner a shot along with black highlights in my golden hair, that and I had FINALLY bought an ipod. (A/N- yes I shall make ipods really for little Edo!)

I walked to the hotel me and Al were staying at, I rushed up to the woren down building, slaming the key into the hole, I walked slowly up the stairs cursing in my head and imagaing the many deaths I would love have Mustange put throught. That damn bastard.

"Al!" I called out opening the door to our room.

"Huh?Ed what are you doing here shouldn't you be with the Conoel?"

"Nope we'er heading out Al, AGAIN!He jus loves to piss me off!"

"Ed, you really should tone youreslf down just a bit around Mustange after all his the one who helped you get into the militry."

"Al!Don't even try to make Roy inot a saintly guy cause he ain't!" I said as I want to the kitchen to get some orange juice when I notice we were out and all that was left is...milk.

"Al...were out of juice..."

"OH! Yeah sorry why don't you just drink the milk?"

"ARE YOU INSAME?YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE MILK!"

"And that why you never grow nii-san..."

"What!"

"Nothing!" he said quickly,"Nii-san should when are we leaving?"

"Mustange wants us out of town by today, that's why he called me in so freaking early!"

"Nii-san..."Al sighed walking away to our room, probably to get the suitcases ready.

I closed the refrigeator door, streching my arms out, I too went in to our room, it was plain nothing special since we hardly stay at on place.

I walked over to my drawer, slowly taking out my clothes placing them in the suitcaese, along wiht my newly bought drawing pad and my old one.Al was done packing, so he sat down and started to talk to me.

"Nii-san...don't you think this will affect you whole 'plan'?"

"What plan,Al?"

"Envy..."

I stopped midway, my back towards him.

"Envy... I guesse it would but...I can't get all desprate Al, I want to impress Envy a bit, and besides I doudt he'd want me at all if he saw being all needy and all"

"Edo..."

"Hey I can handel this!"I said turning around stick my chest out with a smirk on my face.

"Yeah, ok Ed if you say so, you do no theres like a 1 chance to get Envy to love you rigth?"

"...shut up Al..." I said as I closed my suitcase,"We'er go to Arutoguse(A/N:made it up!) there seems to have been some distubance for two mounths and Mustange wants us to investagate it."I said grabing my pokect watch by my bedside, and we both walked out, I made the last payments we had on the room, putting on my headphones listening to my muisc toning out the whole world as much as i could with my brother by my side.

"Ed...what are you listening to?"he asked

"Hm?Oh here it's a song , it's by Matchbook Romance", I said handing it to Al,(A/N:it's my bro's fav, had to put it in!)

Al listen to it intentally, eyeing oddly, as i pondered, how does a suit of armor listen to musice?Well, it would be too rude to ask Al, so i guess I'll never know.

"Nice, I never knew you liked that kind of music Nii-san!" said Al handing me the headphones back,"Yeah...well I've been trying all different types, but I for sure don't like country nor rap, don't understand a single thing."  
I said shurrrgin my shoulders.

We reached the train station within a few moments, bought the tickets and headed out to our seats.I hate these trains their sits hurt like hell, and then the train started and the train moved, I seaw these seats shall die if my ass hurts even the slightest after this trip.

"Nii-san how long will it take?"

"Hm...about a day or two, it's not too far..."

"I'm going to walk around for a bit ok?" he said standing up

"Al, you sure?Want me to go with you?"Iask ready to go with him, he shook his head

"Nah, your tried take a nap or something I won't take long and I'll see if they have anything in the food cart ok?"

"Ah, ok sure..." I yawned, as he walked towards the door opening and then suting it. I closed myeyes, yeah Al was right I was REALLY tried, might as well sleep.

* * *

"Ed..."

I squirmed, mumbling softly to whom ever had spoken to go away,

"Edo..."

"F..u.k o...f.f"I said shifting in my seat.

"Wake up my O' Chibi-san"

My eyes snapped open, golden ones met with amythest.

There he was, Envy, in all his freaking glory and not only that but his face was only a few inches from mine.

"ENVY?" i yelled taken by surprise, lloking around I saw that I was still on the train and Al had not returned.

"Hush...chibi-san..." he pressed a thin finger to my lips, causeing me to blush,"We don't wast to spoil and ruin this opetuniy now do we...?"

"Wha...WHa?" I said, my mind distrot not knowing what to do or say, Envy here, he just happen to be here in this cart, alone with ME!THANK YOU GOD!"

"What do you mean Envy...?" I asked, suddenly the room felt hot,"Why to 'play' with you of course, chibi-san..." he said laying his head on my chesttwriling my loose hair with his finger.

"P-play...?"

"Yes...play..."

"How-"

"Like this.." He planted a kiss fully on my lips, taking me by surprise, I was tense, but kissed back as I soften up,.

Heis tounge licked the bottom of my lower lip, before driving it inside into my warm moucth.I felt it touch , explore every part of it, messagin the upper top, before he started to message my toung with his own,His warm luciouse tounge captured my own, ad his hungerly sucked on it.Since air is needed to breath, well at least for me, we parted.

I gasped for air, hungery for more,"Envy..."I said as I reached out with my metal arm, pulling him towads, rollong on my back, lied on to the seat, with im on top.I ran my fingers throught his long sleeky hair, he kissed me roughtly again, as I let out a lpud moan, we parted.

"Now Edo...the real fun begins..." His lacy hands travled to my thgiht leather pants, who were begging to be released, he unbottoned it as I took off his headband, he unzipped, I unshirt him.

"Let's play...Chibi-san..."

"Envy..."

* * *

sorry leaving you there review bye! 


	3. aw man!

ok last the chapter, ...was ok me guesses, but anyway you all what the lovly moment with ed and envy to continue no? well here goes!

* * *

ed's pov

* * *

Envy unzipped my pants with his mouth, shivers travled down my spine, as goose bumps formed on my felsh arm, his hot breath leangerd on me as if the hand of a ghost was touching me;he looked up into my golden eyes, his tounge licking the coners of his lovly kissable mouth.I looked at him, waitiing for more,waitng to have his body become one with my own.He's long skillful toung licked around my admonme, I leaned againts the wall of the train,holding back a moan of pleasure, he's hand travled up my shirt and creased the sides of my body so gently, so teasingly.I let out a moan as his left hand dove into my boxers squeezing my ass roughly, he licked the edges around my bellybutton, then bit it hard licking the blood in a sadisctic way making memoan and cry out in both pain and pleasure.

"E-envy..." I gasped, diging my nails into his back, he licked and kissed his way up leaving a trale of small bruises.

"What to play some more..chibi-san...?" he asked as I felt his cold, rough, yet soft hands crease my body, through all of this he had some how mangaed to take my boots off and lower my leather pants below my knees.

Iouldn't help but reply truthfully," Oh..God...Envy...yes..." breathed out as he's left hand creased and teased around my memeber, stroking it softly, I goaned as I pulled his down into a kiss.Clapping my hands around his face, pressing my lips hungerly against his, I felt him smirk as he kissed back, I bit down on he's lower lip drawing as much as I could and allowed it to flow freely down my suddenly dry throat. He grabe both of my wrist and pressedme hard onto the long convent seat that we layed on.His tounge drove in to my mouth for the thrid time, not asking to be allowed, our tounges fought aginst each other for domince, and alsa he was wining, but I would not stop, why?Cause it was fun.

He seemed to have thought so too, his tounge seemed to pull mine into his mouth he such hard and hungerly, bitting down.I gasped, and yelped insurprise, he realeased my bruised lips looking down on me like a lion looks down at its prey.A large smirk formed on his lips as he leaned down again kissing my jawline.He travled down to my neck, he linger on one spot, as I felt him sick on it, I moaned at the sensaction it gave me holding tightly onto his hair since he released my wrists.He bit down drawing blood and liked it like a freaking loli pop.

"Ah!Envy...!" I said at the sudden action, he spoke in a seducing voice,

"What is it, my chibi, you want me to stop?"

I shook my head quickly, because hell, I didn't want him to stop!

"Good" he said

He's left hand travle back to my boxers, I whimpered, he glanced up and gave me an evil smirk.My eyes widen as he lowered them down and spread my legs open and wide, wide enough for his...

"Envy...what are y-Ah!"

He lowered dwon his head, and took my stiff member into his warm mouth.My face flushed as I tugged hard on to his long sliky hair.His tounge licked it softly, my face, my body felt hot as i arched up sligthly, I was almost at my breaking point.He sucked harder, and hungerier, I pulled on his hair.

"ENVY!I CAN'T HOLD IT...!"

I reached my breaking point as pre cum flowed into Envy;s mouth which he took all i, not letiong a single drop escape his mouth.He rose up and pressed his lips against my own, allowing me to taste myself, he lick my lips hungerly, he licked the coners as a bit flowed out on my mouth, his warm tounge send severs down my spine.

He smirked down at me,"Now..chibi this might hurt..." he took one of his fingers and shoved it into my entrance I cried out at the sudden action, he smirked, adding antoher finger, after another, till all four were haveing their way inside of me.

"..a...Envy..."

He with drew his fingers licking them slowly only then did I onotice...were were his shorts...?He smirked at my expression.

"Now chibi-san...this is gona hurt..."

"wha-AH!"

He thrusted himself into me without another word,I cried out puling his hair as I banged my head against the seat.He chuckled sadisaticly as he change the angle, I cried out in both pain and pleasure,I shut my eyes tightly bitting down on my lower lip as the red liqude rolled down my chine.He thrust were long and hard, I could feel him inside of me, he body, his wramth, everything.

"WHO'S FUCKING YOU ED?"

He's thrusts came more quickly

"WHO'S FUCKING YOU?"

He change his rythme again, faster and harder, I whimpered arching up hholding on to him panting.

"Y-YOU ARE!"

Another thrust as he bit my adomen

"WHOS' FUCKING YOU!SAY MY NAME BASTARD!"

"YOU ARE!ENVY!"

"YEAH THAT'S RIGTH SCREAM IT OUT EDO!SCREAM IT!"

"ENVY!"

I archered up all sense dull and gone only thing left was the feeling of Envy and the passion held between us.

I wanted more, I wanted more of it, the feeling the taste, I wanted to drown myself in it, no matter how wrong it seemed.

"...harder..."I gasped softly to low for Envy to hear.

"What was that?"

he thrust a diffrent angel, making wince in pain...

"...faster..."

"WHAT DID THE LITTLE CHIBHI SAy!"

"I WANT IT HARDER!FASTER!"

He laugh sadistaicly, as e complayed,his thrusting became more rapid, it came faster, it came hard and it came more frequent. I gasped, I cried, tears formed at the coner of my eyes, my back archered it felt like it was about to break, I gasped, I panted like a wipped dog, who was having it's fun.I was losing my breath, I felt like I was drowning,feeling Envy inside of me, was making me insane. Envy gave one last increable thrsut sending me to my brink, I cried out as loud as I could my throat felt raw, my back acked, and my breath was lost, my god...it felt so good.

Envy let his body clash on top of mine, our breaths hollow, and short, my hair sicked to me face as swaet covered both of us, the heat, just the estacy, it was mind blowing. I let go of his hair wrapping my arms around his body, he embaced me as I nuzzled my face into his frim chest.His sent...his lovely sent, filled me even mroe now.

"Envy...I love you..."

"I know edo..."

"Envy..."

"Ed."

"Hm?"

"Ed, you should wake up now."

My eyes snapped open.

"WHAT!"

Eveything vainished I flew down into a black void and hit with a thump!

* * *

I shot up from my seat, Al was there beside me, I loked around, I still had my clothes on and no Envy.

"...crap...a dream..."

"Oh, thank god your awake brother you've been asleep for two days!"

"SAY WHAT?"

"Yeah, yestruday, you were all cry and screaming your sleep I didn't know what todo, and the day before yesturday you had fallen asleep after I got back, you really scared me, but I'm just glad your awake now brother."

"A...yeah..."

The train strated to slow down,"Al...I think this is our stop."

"Yup, Let's get our things brother."

We went to the luggae car grabed our stuff, and headed into town.It was crowded and filled with the lily houd of workers and such, The town was known for produce the most pure diamonds in the country.But even so every now and then as we walk by, there were people who had fear writen all over their faces, hush whipers and scared glances, it suggeted even more of what Mustange had told me.

We founda place to stay near the outskirts of town, I sighed oeping the door, Al followed behind me I walk up to te counter asking for a room.Thw woman eyed me up and down before speaking.

"Aren't you a little to samll to be travling alone?"

Oh hell no.

"WHOAREYOUCALLSMALLERTHENASPECKOFDUST?"i SAID RANTING, AS aL RESTRANED ME FROM PUNCHING THIS STUPID WOMAN!

"Ah, I'm sorry, my brother has a very short temper, we'd just lie to get settle in please."he asked her in a polit voice.

She smile and handed Al the key after I had calmed down and he let me go.We grabed our bags and headed for our room, when we found it Al opened the door, it creaked.It was plain and ordinary nothing really speacil, two bed one closet, and a cafe table and of cousre windows.

Is oghed sitting down onto the bed,"A...I'm bored...!" I sad even thogut we had just got here.Al sighed shaking his head.

"I think we should ask around for infromation about the missing people and the recents deaths."I said to Al he nodded in aproval.Al walked out before me iI told him I'd be out in a bit. I stayed beihind a bit before rushing towards my suitcase opeing it quitly, looking throught I found what I was looking for, taking out a long thin,sharp razor and some bandages, I rushed to the bathroom.

I rolled up the sleeve of my sweater, to revil many scars, mostly cuts.I grimanced as the razor met my flesh, makeing a deep cut, it started from my elbow and just a little away from my wrists.I repeated this action about six times, each cut, each gash deeper and longer then the last.I smiled as the hot liquid ran down my arm into the sink and down the drain.I lefted my arm to my mouth as I licked it clean, the metalic taste lingered on my tounge, as I liked the coners on my mouth. Turing on the cold water I grabed a cloth and cleaned the sink, when I was done I bandaged my abused arm making sure that the seleeve wouldn't irrtait it much.

After I was done I walk out of the room, and found AL waiting for me in the loddy.I smiled to him, completly deinying the disgustingness i felt inside after what I had done to myself.

"Let's get going Al!"

"Alrgith brother"

We walked out in search the smallest thing there was to a clue to the distrubance in this innocent town.

* * *

"DAMN IT!"I roared as we returned as nigth approached, collaping onto the bed, I cursed under my breath.

"Don't worry brother, I'm sure we'll find something out tomorrow."Al said trying to reassure me, I hned, rolling off my bed, takinf off my clothes leaving my boxers only crawling into the wram abby know as a bed.

"We have to wake up early yo try again, man this is going to be harder then I thouhgt."

"We'll have better luck next time Brother."

"Yeah...ssssure" I yawn turning off the ligth and closed my eyes as the darkness captured me.

* * *

bye reviw!

* * *


	4. tell me

ok last chapter, ah..yeah didn't like it much..'

john-your fault, you made him way..too dark!

-hey it was the first three! you know how I get!

john-sure whatever, shrimp.

-you know i really hate you right?

john-aw!i love ya too!

-go die under a freaking rock

j-no thanks i perfer to liv-and i perfer for you to die.

-whatever just go and start the chapter!no cuttting!

-don't worry and i'll explain more why i made Edo-chan cut, and note this story is sort of in an alternete univers so not everything will follow the storyline.

j-you just love to butcher stuff,huh?

-shut it!And anyway, ed is almost always wearing black in the anime, and that's not his only outfit he's got more colors people!

j-then why didn't you sate that!

-because i didn't feel like it, biut edo shall keep the eyeliner! and the cutting shall disappear hopefuly in this chapter, i orginaly only wanted him to been shown that he cuts, why he cuts, and that he stope the last chapter, but time came short, so it was extened to two chapters, sorry my readers all shall be fix.

j-whatever your pissing me off!

-your very existance pissed me off

j-shut up.

- i understand readers why you thouhgt it was completely random the whole cutting, that was because it wasn;t introduce why he did it in the first place, after rereading it, the cutting shall if hope stays with me, disappear today!Note somethings metioned here does not happen in the seris as i have stated this is an alternet world a bit, a spin off in someways so bear with me this part, and just a little note i was once a cutter as well, but i wasn;t so depressing to look at, considering i didn;t seem to be one to do that and considering my whole attitud and personaity, the few who new before couldn't believe me when i told them, but i stopped on my own, and the reason why i did it is still unclear to me.

john- sis, you did it for the enjoyment.

-maybe maybe not who knows.

j&k-NOW ON WITH THE STORY!

* * *

chapter 4 

section1- the infection( JOHN'S PART)

* * *

I felt the sun burned on my face, I growled softly pulling the covers over my head, rolling over to my side, which I regerted quickly.I squished my left arm in the prosses cause the newly closed cuts to ozz freely with blood again.My eyes snapped open, looking to see if Al was still there, I sighed when I saw that he wasn't. I flinched as I lefted out of the covers for my eyes to see, I glared angery at myself, the bandages were wet with new blood, but luckly the bed or the sheets weren't wet with my red liqud. 

Climing out of my bed, I held my arm with my metalic one, glare at my self infected wonds.I sighed walking to my suit case,which I hadn't unpacked, taking out clothes and fresh bandages, and walked into the bathroom .

As I unwrapped the dirty ones, I cursed loudly, my eyes widen for my stupidity.

The cuts would normaly be closed by now, and a bit pinky, but they weren't...not this time.

They were far from being pinky, they were purple and green, it was just disgusting how they looked like,(A/N: I don't know how an infected cut looks like, never had one!)I didn't need to think twice about what was wrong, they had gotten infected, only then did I remember that I hadn't CLEANED that razor for a LONG time.

"Damn it!" I said, garbing a towle and dipping it into the omint I put yesturday under the sink, and ran it slowy over my infected wounds, I grimanced at what I was doing, and I grew even more confused as to WHY I was doing this in my first place.

"What am I doing...this is just stupid, I should stop..."I mumbled to myself, I winced every now and then after I finished cleaning I put on the fresh bandages as gently as I could. I really wanted to stop, but...when I cut myself it felt like the world was disappearing, like all my guilt was gone, no pressures,no worries, it was my little escape, but I knew no I know that it won't last forever, and it never will not till I set things rigth and cutting myself isn't helping!

"Damn it Ed, what's wrong wiht you...if Al knew...he'd be ashamed of you..." I said quitly, I heard Al's footsteps enter the room.

"Brother I got brekfast for you, I'll leave it here on your bed, I'm going to go look around the block for a bit,I'll be back in a while ok?"

"Al ya sure you don't want me to go with you?"

"Huh?Yeah I'm sure don't worry!"

Al was about to walk out the door when he heard my voice.

"Don't pick up any strays ok!"

"Ah...YEAH!" and he was gone.

Sighing I returned to my task at hand, which was dressing myself,within moments I was out of the bathroom.

Today I had chosen my usual shade of eyeliner, my hair was down allowing my black highlights to show more, a red hoddy with two white streaks on each arm, regular jeans and my boots, with chains.I walked out and smelled the delicous substance called food,I smiled weakly.

'Al..your too kind to me...' I thought to myself, sitting on the bed putting the tray of food on the cafe table beside me.Eggs and bacon, my fav and orange jucie WAY better then milk.

Eating it quickly, and drinking the jucie in one gulp, I wipped my mouth, unsure of what to do with the dirty tray, I left it there, forgive my bad manners but I have a brother to find ,cleaning dishes can come later thankyou.

I walked out of my room, diging my hands into my pockets, as I past the counter I gave the old woman an evil look saying'if you say anything about my hight you'll die', she turned away from me, as I walked out of the building pondering which way Al would take and hopfully his little venture wasn't all for a cat.

"Knowing Al it would be...I guesse I should check the allies..." I said, feeling just a little lightheaded, but not letting that stop me I kept going.

I ran down three allies, till I came to the forth, I was panting by then, my arm throbing and actual sweat on me, I mean all I did was run around, and ok fine it had started to rain too, and some where along the way I almost got run over by a car, but hey I'm still in one piece!

But I guesse all my bad luck had finally found it's way to me, I had to lean against the wall for a bit to keep my head from spinning in circles.I closed my eyes regaining my breath.

"Brother what are you doing here!" came Al's voice, my eyes snapped open to see my brother standing in the middel of the ally, I grinned and started to walk towards him.

"Al!I was looking all over for you!"

"You didn't have to Brother I told you I would come back!"

"Yeah I know but hey I worry..now lets go back, I'm getting soaking wet!"

"Heh, sure Brother"

He walked beside me, I stopped when I saw a smallblack cat with brown strips walked towns Al, I expected for Al to pick it up cooed it that everything would be alright and then beg me if we could keep it, but thats not what happened.Al, didn't pay any attention to it, and merely kept walking.

"Ah...Al aren't you going to try and take that cat with you?" I asked gistering as the feline rubbed itse;f against Al's legs, he shook his head "Ah..maybe..." he said looking away from me, I knew all too well that this was why he had ventured out in the first place, he heard the helpless cry of this little lost black kitten.

"Al..."

"Please brother can we keep him just for a little while?"

"Al..."

"Please I'll take really good care of it I promise!" he said picking up and cat and hugging it tightly, fearing for the cats life, and my health I was in no mood to argue.

"Arugh...fine Al...you can..."I said sighing rolling my eyes at him as he let out a 'yay', but smile at his enjoyment, it made me happy to see him happy.

"THANKYOU BROTHER!"he said

I smiled at him, eager to get out of the bloody rain!

"Al...can we get of this bloody rain..." I said, he looked at me,"Sure brother...are you ok?"he asked

I leaned against the wall of the ally again,I shurrged my shoulders,"I just feel a bit ligth headed thats all."

"Ed, are you getting sick?"

"No..."

"ed."

"Can we jsut get out of the rain or I WILL get sick."

'"Good point."

We walked out of the ally, Al held his new friend close to him, I eyed the cat, I didn't know why but it had caught my attention, reaching over I pated it's head, if Al could smile he would have at the sudden attration I had taken to the black cat.

"What should we name him?"He asked as we walked inside, both wet by the rain,I shurrged my shoulders opening the door to our room, thankfully the dirty tray was gone, if Al saw he would have gicen me a licture, i can see why people question who is trulye the eldest of the two of us.

As I thought of a anem I allowed my lips to curl in a smirk, looking evily at the little kitty-cat.When Al saw my gaze he spoke in a stren voice.

"NO!Not that name!"

"AWWWW!But why not!"I whinned, pouting at my brother, ture it was childish but the name I had choesn was so cute!

"Ed,be more origianl!"

"Nani?I am being origanl!You haven't even heard the name out yet!"

"...Fine what is it..."

"Invidia"I said quitly, it meant Envy, I had read it in a book I had recently picked up, but Al doesn't know that so all is well.!

Al seemed to ponder at the name before looking back at the cat he nodded his head,"Ok,Invidia thats his name..."he said patting the small cats head, I heard it purr softly, I smile weakly, falling to my knees,my head was really spining not only that I felt new blood flow down my arm and I was not the only one to notice this.

"Ed are you ok?"

I nodded my head not bothering to use my voice as I did my best to hide my bloody arm.Invidia jumped from Al's grasps, meowed and walked towrads me, it's violets eyes looked intetnly into my own,I glared at .

It walked to my hidden arm, claws out, meowing loudly, trying to get Al's attentionAnd...it worked.

"what is it Invidia?"He asked, I tried to squirm away, when I felt a sudden pain in my right leg, and found little invidia's claws digin into my own rying to stop me from moving away.Al looked at where Invidia's paw was pointing, that's when Al gasped loudly seeing my blood seeping through the sweater.

"BROTHER YOUR BLEEDING!" he yelled loudly

I winced as he grabed my arm

"No I'm not it's just your imagantion."

"Ed!Don't you dare pull that on me!Why is your arm bleeding?"

"Ah...because a hoard for fire flies attacked me in my sleep..."

"FIRE FLIES DON'T DO THAT ED!"

"al it's nothing just leave it!"

"No!" he rooled up my sleve roughly, if he express anything on that metal face it would have been fear,shock,worry and anger.

"Brother..."his voice was solme, even the cat seemed shocked,Al unwrapped my arm as gelntly as he could, I flnched only a little, but not from the pain but from the gult that grasped my whole body when I heard Al's worrried gasp.

"Brother explain this..."

* * *


	5. kitty lick

'Pain has an element of blank

I cannot recollect

When it began, or if there were

A day when it was not.

It has no future but itself,

Its infinite realms contain

Its past, enlightened to perceive

New periods of pain'

The Mystery of Pain, Emily Dickinson

* * *

Ed's pov-

-Oh and there will be character death in this series but that's still undecided, and the 'persons' death will help with the sequel that will probably follow. -

Ed- Why?

- Ok for you to win envy? That's going to be hard.

Ed- … I guess your so- HEY! ARE YOU SAYING I'M NOT HOT ENOUGH FOR HIM!

- No…my aren't you paranoid any how on with the story! I don't own fma! Or the nice poem on top!

* * *

"Brother...explain this..." he held my arm gently, I couldn't look at him, I felt ashamed. Hell! Even that stupid cat made me feel ashamed!

"It's nothing...just leave it alone!"

I ripped my arm away from his grasp, cradling it in my metal arm. Envidia meowed; I glared at it, why did the cat have to screw it all up anyway!

"...Stupid... cat "I was about to stand up when Al spoke," Ed! You are not leaving till you tell me what's going on and why you have those cuts on your arm!"

"It's nothing Al and anyway it's none of your business!"

"Sure as hell my business, Ed!"

I didn't move his voice was strict, stern and harsh. It wasn't Al's usually cheery voice or his concerned voice...no this time it was different...this time he was REALLY mad. He **_NEVER_** curses I guess I finally got the full measurement of how serious this was to him.

"Al…"

I merely sat back down, as my armored brother looked down at me. As if scolding me for my misbehavior, I felt sick, I wanted to dig a whole underneath me and throw myself in and never come back out .I looked up at his eyes...at the armors' eyes . . . I couldn't find my voice. I was acting like a child of five...am I really that pathetic?

"Ed. … answer!"

"I...don't know..."

"Don't know what?'

"I don't know how to answer..."

The was a long pause, as Envidia curled up on the floor, it's violet eyes watched the scene before him. I clinched my fist as I finally looked up at Al and repeated my answer.

"I don't know how to answer Al."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I...just don't know...Al. I'm confused just needed an escape..."I looked at him feeling those hollow eyes of armor gaze at me, trying to see into me... it felt weird.

"Ed . . . You HAVE to stop this! There is no use in causing harm to yourself it's pointless! Nothing good will come out of it! Your being a complete idiotic self absorbed fool!"

"Al." was all I could say; I could feel his anger, how upset he is but not only was there anger. There was also worry and fear...but fear of what?

"Edo-san...I don't understand how can you see a point in all this? How can you hurt yourself so badly without a clear cause?"

"I...I" my voice cracked, I swallowed hard as a lump formed in my throat, I wasn't going to cry, no. I had promised myself to not cry, unless it was unavoidable. It was just hard to try and make your younger brother understand why you do things, especially if it concerns inflecting pain.

"I'm...sorry Al ... I just can't...put it in words..." I avoided eye contact, the guilty monster within me was growing, and when it grows it usually leads to me hurting those I meant to keep safe.

"Do you really not trust me…Edo-san…?"

His voice was barely above a small whisper; my heart sank even more into the pit of my guilty filled stomach if that was even possible.

"I though… I though our bond was special… I though you could trust me…I _thought you trusted me but I guess I was WRONG."_

Al made for the door, as those painful words shank deep into my skull and my heart. I felt like a knife was being driven through it, I could felt be twisted inside; then stuck back in me. That's how it felt when Al was speaking and that's it felt as he walked away. I couldn't let a little argument like this ruins our bond.

"Al! Wait!" I said finally able to find my voice, it came out soft almost like a whisper, and not like a command.

Al stopped walking but didn't face me, as his back was still towards me. It seemed that he was waiting for me to stop him, might be he thought I was going to tell him everything. Unfortunately I was not ready to discuss it with neither my younger brother nor anyone else for that matter.

"Al, I **_DO_** trust you, more than you'll ever know. But there are something's that even you are restricted from knowing."

I regain my composure as the elder one, and my mind cleared quickly I was determined to straighten things out. I don't want Al to feel this doubts about us our relationship between us. (Ed- and I don't mean it in any yaoi brotherly incest way! Ewe.)

Envidia meowed again and jumped on my bed, it's violet eyes. I could feel those eyes linger on my back but I paid little or no attention to it, there are far more important matters present.

"What do you mean? I'm your _brother_! What am I restricted from knowing?" he asked. Finally turning to face me again, but I supposes you could say my mood changed. I wasn't going too self-loath here with my brother is filled with doubts as well.

"There were a lot of things I don't like to clue you in when it's something very **_PERSONAL. _**But even so I sometimes let you in and this time it's different. This time it's _very_ different."

My voice was stern, I wanted to make myself clear to Al that I do trust him, but there are something's that even he shouldn't have known. May be it's the wrong approach, but I've got to clear the air.

"Ed! You told about **_Envy_** and you-"

"That is totally, utterly different from this! And I didn't tell you that about him you found out on your own! I wasn't going to tell anybody! I was hoping to take it to my freaking grave but it seemed like even that little pleasure wasn't meant for me!"

I was growing annoyed. Why couldn't understand, this has nothing to do with trust or Envy. It's just me…

"Ed… I just…you're always doing stupid things like this!"

There was a moment of silence. And not those awkward silences but those ' I can't believe he just said that' silence. Another stake through my heart. If I kept this up I was surly going to bleed to death, and who was going to clean up that mess?

I couldn't help but crock a sad grin at his comment; it's true… I do tend to do things that are quite stupid and reckless. But that's not the point here, and it's not like I was about to tell him that his right.

"Your rigth Al… I do stupid things sometimes… but even stupid things have a reason for happening."

Ok stretch what I said before out, my mouth needs a leash. Al pondered this for a moment or two; I sense that things were more in the clear then before and that he might actually drop the subject. For now anyway.

"Nii-san…why do you always have to put logic into everything…" he sighed, shaking his metal head, I sense that the fight, dispute, argument was coming to a nicely woven close.

"Al so…you'll drop it…?"

He sighed again in disapproval," I'll get something to clean those cuts of yours and some medicine in case a cold tries to get you."

And with a last pat on Envidia's black furry head and left the room glancing one more time at me, I heard those hollow steps go out the hall and down the stairs. Giving a sigh of relief, I walked to the bathroom pausing to grab a towel. I had taken off my shoes (A/N: I know I didn't put that in the last chapter but forgive me and go along please!) earlier, the contrast of hot and cold felt good against my bare foot, since I couldn't felt with my metal one obviously.

Reaching the sink I turned on the water, making sure that it was an even temperature rolling up my sleeves before dibbling my bleeding arm under it's watery vile. I hissed slightly as that a stinging sensation ran up and down my arm that I drew back a bit and waited a few minutes as the pulsing of my arm stopped before placing it back in. The blood flowed down the drain in a swirl like pattern before it disappeared into the dark. I didn't dare to scrub with soap, I'm not a baby, but when you accidentally place soap on an open infected wound… IT HURTS LIKE HELL!

When I finished, shutting off the water, I grabbed the towel with my free metal hand. I gently dried my arm not pulling my sleeve down, pausing every now and then to give it a breather. Still I could not resist glaring at those slits on my arm, and then the question came back to me. Am I really this stupid? Or how can I expect Envy to fall for a self harm-inflecting alchemist like myself?

Shaking my head driving those thoughts to the back of my blonde black-highlighted head and proceeded out of the bathroom. I paused noticing that Al had not returned yet, move to my bed wanted to just lay there till Al got back.

I was about to sit down when I heard a loud meow. I stooped and looked behind me, if I had not stopped then I would have made little Envidia into a nice cat pancake with my butt. Not that I care.

"Ah… stupid cat! That's me bed get off!" I said pointing the floor.

She/he, yes it's gender it still unknown but I suppose I'll refer to it as a he. Stared at me with his big round innocent violet eyes, looking at me. It didn't budge and meowed again.

"Down!"

"Meow!"

"DOWN YOUR STUPID CAT!"

"Me-o-w."

"Forget it!"

I growled throwing my arms up in the air allowing myself to fall on to the bed not caring if I _accidentally _squish the cat. But feeling nothing underneath me I knew I had failed in quest of hurting. I felt Envidia purr as it nestled on the top of my stomach, it's violet eyes gazing into mine. For a small brief moment I felt like I knew those eyes somewhere, I looked at them a bit longer before it finally came to me. And as it did I could not resist picking up the furry animal, it meowed protest but I paid no attention. His fur felt good against my normal hand again I felt the disadvantage of having auto-mail for limbs. Yes… those eyes those eyes were almost exactly like

"Envy…"

Envidia tilted his head to the rigth eyeing me curiously; I could feel it studying me with those eyes of his.

"Ha, ha that's his name. You remind me of him, Envy but his not a cat like you. He's a Homunculus, an artificially created human through alchemy. A Homunculus is born when an alchemist tries a human transmutation."

Envidia purred nuzzling my metal hand, as I settled it back on my stomach.

"You wanna know how he…looks like…?" I asked fighting off the sleep that was trying to capture me." His… tallish… and…got… green hair…like a Palm-tree. Heh and dresses like…a girl…"

I yawned my venison became blurry, "Wears…a freaking…s-s-skort… but…he looks… h-h-hot…in…it…."

I lost my fight with the sleep that came, my arm dropped and my breathing deepened as everything became black I was drifted off to sleep with thoughts of Al and the fight we had along with thoughts of Envy.

* * *

Third person pov

* * *

As Ed drifted off into a deep sleep Al had returned to the room seeing the Ed was awake he quietly placed the ointment on the floor closing the door again and walked down stairs to do a bit of research. After all being a huge suit of armor does have its ups; you don't require sleep at all!

Al pondered on what his elder brother had said to him before, not about the cuts but about Envy. The sin had unknowing cast a spell on Ed, that had such a tight hold on him and made him act in ways Alphonse had never thought was possible for his brother to be like.

His care for Envy seemed to grow everyday; he often caught Ed drawing before they left but he never though that they were sketches of the tall obscene sin. A small flash back played in his mind, he remembered asking Ed the day before they had left for the train, why had drew Envy so often. And the answer Ed gave struck Al in a warm way.

'Because I know I can't have him drawing him or seeing him a far is enough for me."

'Why?' he had asked his older brother and Ed thought before answering. He gave Al a cheery smile,

'Because I love him'.

Al sighed; he had to admit he was somewhat _envious _of _Envy_. Al chuckled at this and continued his work.

* * *

Upstairs

* * *

Envidia had not move from it's spot since Ed had fallen asleep, standing up on its four paws and walked on the small alchemist stomach. Brushing his paw against the smaller boy's cheek as three claws cut somewhat deep into Ed's cheek drawing blood.

Ed didn't flinch at all and continued with his dreams, unknowing of what was going on about around him.

Envidia sat on Ed's stomach; a purring sound could be heard from this black furred cat.

There was a flash of light surrounding Ed's bed, the alchemist stirred only slightly. Then the light vanished just as quickly as it came. But there was no Envidia to be found the cat had disappeared, but in fact there really was no cat. But a certain Homunculus disguised as one. There on Ed's stomach where 'Envidia' was once sat, a tall greened hair teen, with a leg on each side of the smaller boy under him. It truly was a good thing Envy wore shorts under that 'skirt' of his, his violet eyes lingered on Ed, just like Envidia's would. His legs supported his weight above Ed, so not to wake the boy.

If you knew Envy, you would know that his eyes would always be filled with hate and the wanting to kill. Yet as he stared down at Ed, there was no such look in his violet eyes. Although as he stared down at the once completely blonde boy, they were cold and distant yet filled with confusion.

And he grew even more confused as he tried to figure out in his mind as to why e was confused in the first place. Which lead to many twist and turns, dead ends that he had abandoned think of why he was confused and continued to stare at the boy underneath him; whom slept soundlessly undisturbed in his slumber.

He raised a half-gloved pale cold hand to the younger boy's cheek; it's cold caused Ed to shudder but no wake. As the three small cuts Envy had made in his chosen cat form allowed the crimson liquid to flow freely. He pressed his hand against Ed's warm wet cheek, allowing the blood to cover a bit of his hand.

"Hot…huh."

He brought his hand to his lips licking the smaller boy's blood off slowly and sadistically, his violet eyes never leaving the small boy's face. He smirked as he lowered himself, careful not to wake the boy and brushed his lips against Ed's bloody cheek. Drawing back he licked his lips tasting the metallic taste the smaller boy's blood had, but it also contain a somewhat sweet taste. Envy's blood covered lips broke into to smirk of mischief and evil, before licking the last of the blood away with it's taste still lingering on his long luscious tongue.

* * *

This love I feel

Is so painful you see

For everyime I think of you

I am reminded that

I can never have you

You tease me with those lips

You abuse me with your words and those hands

Your eyes see rigth through me

This love I feel brings so much pain

But then why can't I stop loving you?

* * *

Hoped you liked it1 it's been a long time since I last updated! bye and review of what you think and flames are ok with me!

-chibi-chibi-kun

* * *


	6. Cat toture! Andwhy I love

Omg...I read what you've all said...I cant believe I went all sappy...and emo like that...haha...I guess I figured out just where my little emo Ed came from...I didn't mean to alarm anyone and I really thought no one would care, but when I read them all I literly cried my eyes out!

I love you guys so much and I thank all of you, I guesse I forgot the nice side of people after I went all gloomy and doomy on ya. ' heres the next chapter and a noticed I've never explain how Ed came to fall for Envy and so the is some what like and intorduction to the start of his explaintion to...'envidia who is none other then Envy.And again soory that I went all doom and gloom and I'll never do that again, forgive?

Third person pov. means Envy's thoughts

* * *

Next morning

* * *

Edward snored happily (softly) as he continued to sleep, while 'Envidia' watched the alchemist with its deep violet eyes. The yawned loudly and turned to his sigh to get more comfortable, but he seemed to have forgotten just how small the bed was. 

He rolled off the edge of the bed and gave a small yelp before landing face first onto the lovely floor. There was a cry of surprise and cursed wildly as he sat up small tears could be seen in the corner of his eyes, and a small frown could be seen on his lips.

'Envidia' held himself from snickering at the blonde, after all snicker cats don't really come around that often now do they? So all he could do was make the most evil, most sadistic meow he could muster.  
**_"Meow" _**  
But the wasn't a kind sweet hearted meow, no it was a 'ha, ha, ha, you're such an idiot' meow.  
The blonde turned and glared at the cat, before lifting himself from the floor, mumble a lovely word at the cat before entering the bathroom. A few seconds passed before a small yell could be heard inside the small hotel causing the younger Elric to rush from the lounge where he was talking to one of the local towns' people and rushed inside.

"Ed! Ed are you ok?" he asked as he entered their room.

He saw no Edward on the bed only Envidia, and figured that the only place where could be was the bathroom. If his face could be clouded with worry it would have, for he feared that his brother might have cut himself again. But before he pound on the bathroom door, it bust open with a very pissed chibi holding a paper towel to his bleed cheek and a look of pure murder in his eyes.

* * *

Ed's pov

* * *

I growled at the cat as I entered the bathroom, I don't know why but it seemed to have a way to crawl under my skin. I sighed as I entered the bathroom, without glancing up at the mirror I walked to the sink and turned the water one till it was a lube warm and drenched my face in it. 

But as I began to wash my face with soap I felt something dry and flaky on my cheek, I opened my golden orbs and observed the substance on the tip of my fingers, which had bits of it.

I narrowed my eyes at the tips of my fingers, it was red…something red…

Why…do I have something red on my face…?

It can't be paint…then…it could only be…

Blood

I looked up at the mirror and notice three cuts on my cheek rather deep, and being as foolish as I am I pressed hard against them and the crimson liquid started to seep out of them. My eyes narrowed at this, but what could have caused these cuts…three perfectly formed cuts spread out evenly. They grew widen as realization hit me like a brick, but that wasn't the real reason why my eyes had widened and why I was biting down hard on my lower lip to suppress as yell.

I had touched those cat made wounds…with my soapy lathered hand.

"Gyah!" I yelled as I snatched a paper towel near me and placed it on my cheek to absorb the blood. That's when I heard hollow metal footsteps rush inside our room, I knew immediately who it was.  
Especially since he spoke after he walked in the room.  
"Ed! Ed are you ok?" said Al.

I could tell from his voice that he was worried about me, one a later note I would have thanked him for worrying but not today. Before he could even as so much as reach the bathroom I burst the door open pissed off as hell. At a cat.

"Ed! Are you ok? I heard you scream…" he said.

Envidia meowed trying to get Al to put him up, which he did and was now in his metal arms which present a problem on my whole 'Must kill cat' idea.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine! Just down right peachy!" I said rolling my eyes at the two, pouring as much sarcasm into those eight words.

Al titled his metal and pointed at my cheek, " Nii-san…what's wrong with your cheek?"

I laughed angrily at the question before I glared at the mostevilyetthemostcutestcatinthefreakingworld and answered Alphonse question.

"What's wrong? I'll tell ya what's wrong! That stupid cat of yours attacked me when I was asleep! Look!"

I removed the paper towel form my face and allowed him to see the love marks his cat left on my face. Al gasped and looked down at Envidia who looked at its master and meowed innocently, I growled at the cat like and angered dog. And I swear it hissed at me!

"Envidia! How could you, you should be more polite to brother without his permission I wouldn't have been able to keep you!" he said as he spoke at the cat like it was child who had done something bad.

I rolled my eyes at this, and if the cat could I think he would have as well, Al was done lecturing the cat he turned to face me and asked in an almost worried mixed with scared tone of voice.

"…Um…Ed…do I have to give Envidia away…?" he asked holding even tighter to the cat that I was afraid he was going to squish it to death accidentally.

My eyes feel onto to Envidia, a part of me wanted to thrown that little bugger out in the streets and laugh my ass of afterwards. But the other part me wanted to keep it, I don't why because I usually don't get attached to anything or anyone. But there was something about the cat that seemed to hold my attention, made it was his eyes that always seemed to draw me in. Not to mention Envidia remained me of Envy, ok maybe I'm over doing it with the whole 'I love him' thing but it's true. Envidia's eyes held my gaze just like how Envy's would hold mind, and maybe it was because he reminded me of Envy that I didn't want to let it go. Just like how I didn't want to let go of my deadly Sin, it something else that could put me at ease whenever I felt down when my mind would wonder on to Envy.

I sighed and walked up to Al, another reason why I didn't want to let go of the cat now was because of Alphonse. He loved cats to where it boarded lined love and obsession and it was obvious that I wasn't the only who had grown attached to the black kitty-cat.

I pulled him from Al's arms and held him so his eyes would met mine, they held a strange glint in them as if he knew that I was going to throw him out on to the streets again. A blonde brow arched up at the cat was it challenging me…? Was it expecting me to be that bad guy here and crush my little brother's heart? And…was that a smirk on his furry face?  
I blinked again and the smirk was gone.

Of course it's gone Ed it was never there cats don't smirk because they can't since there are not able to express emotions like humans can.  
But…if it's challenging me then like hell I'll back down! I'm Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist; I've fought with Homunculi and Chimeras I was not about to back down from a cat!

As I looked into the cat's eyes I gave a smile and held him in a bundle, and then I addressed Al's question.

"No…we can keep him Al just get tamed and nudered or something like that…WHAO!"

The moment I mentioned his little buddy was going to have be removed Envidia hissed in both alarm and anger as he preyed himself from my arms and practically flew towards the bed hissing at me like there was no tomorrow and all his hairs and tail standing up. I had to suppress my angry colorful comments at Envidia for Al began to fuss over the black cat. Giving a sigh I shrugged my shoulders and walked up to now somewhat calm cat, as Al started to scold my I kneeled down before Envidia leaned down towards it and kissed the very tip of it's nose. I pulled away and ruffled the fur on his/it's head and gave a sincere smile, I could practically feel Al beaming right behind me.

I stood up with my fist on my hips and spoke, "Ok Al, I think today we should go out and do a little more research on those who dead or went missing ok? But first I'm going to go change, I'll probably take a quick bath, you better give Envidia enough food for the whole."

Al gave a nod as he left going to get the needed foods for both his new kitty and his Brother. I smiled back down at the cat as I flicked it off, oh yes don't you even think for a moment I had forgotten about those little claw marks. I heard the cat so I merely stuck my tongue out and went to my suit case which still was unpack and pulled out the clothes I needed. Having already finished brushing my teeth before I screamed bloody murder so I began to strip myself of my dirty clothes. First I took off my shirt my boots were already off and started to undo my pants and move to a new clean pair of boxers when I heard a desperate scared meow coming from behind me.

I turned to see Envidia, I smacked my forehead lightly (not with my metal arm!), I had forgotten that Envidia was there. I walked towards him and scratched right behind the ears, which caused him to purr.

_(Stupid Chibi! Like hell I want to see him naked! )  
_

"Sorry, I almost forgot you were here!" I said as I picked him up holding him close to my chest with smirk on my lips.

"You haven't bathed since we brought you so I'll just have to take a bath with you. Mom use to let me do that when we were able to keep strays but it mostly only lasted a day…oh well" I said as I finished dwelling in my old life and picked up the cat who started to protest immediately.

_(NOOO! BASTARD DON'T EVEN TO FUCKING TRY AND DO THAT OR I SWEAR ON YOU FUCKING MOTHER'S GRAVE YOU SHALL SUFFER THE LIKES OF HELL YOU E….ahh…I needed that scratched…)_

I smirked at Envidia before I scratched its stomach it seemed to have an effect for he calmed. At least till I closed the door to the bathroom that is… and I also took my boxers off…but worry not cause I wouldn't blind a cat even if it did piss me off, so I wrapped a towel around my waist before a smiled brightly at the cat.

(_Yeah you better put a towel over your waist you asshole…though he was still unable to prey he eyes away from the blonde who was practically nude right in front of him)  
_  
I went to the tube and began to fill it with hot water and a bit of cold to even the tempter out, when it was just right I went towards Envidia who after many failed attempts I was able to get a hold of. And so as carefully as I could I held him close to my chest and stepped into the water making sure it was fine. After  
Debating whether I should sit down and let the water cover us I sat.  
Envidia meow as the lube warm water began to soak his black fur; I chuckled as I let him stand on my firm stomach till I was completely covered in water except for my head.

_(…Asshole…when I turn to my normal form…you are so dead! Envy looked at the alchemist ready to add a few more scratches to his pretty face till his eyes fell onto the boy's golden pools. They seemed distant what shocked him more was that fact that the blonde had called out his name…in such a caring loving manner that he thought he was hallucinating. )  
_  
Envy…

My thoughts seemed to have wondered off and settled upon my homunculus…no not 'my homunculus'. Just…a homunculus…I haven't seen him in so long but then again he was probably creating chaos somewhere else murdering people and what not…

How did I come to love him…He killed Hughes…one of my dearest friends… why do I love him…

I smiled sadly as I began to stroke Envidia's wet head, "Hey…I was telling you about Eny last night…wasn't I…?"

I love him…because he saved me…

* * *

And that's all , and I need a Beta so I won't make anymore mistakes so the place is open for anyone who wants! I'm going to do this right this time! Review if you wish I'm not going to give up now(> )

* * *


	7. Through the eyes of a Sin

Sorry I've taken so long and heres the chapter it's mostly in Envy's pov and the next one will be as well this is based more on the Manga then the Anime ok?

* * *

_I'm looking for answers_

_To all the questions no one knows_

_Bleeded and begged_

_Asked you for nothing_

_But something showed_

_Your uneasy eyes, the sweat on your forehead_

_Everyone's pointing your nervousness out_

_It's obvious now that you're scared of yourself_

_Nothing to keep them from knowing this now_

_There's nothing to keep them from knowing this now_

_Promises, shattered pieces_

_Memories of nothing, cowardly _

_You'll face this all alone_

_You're find your truths _

_Are nothing but lies_

_Still no one knows_

_You see yourself run, but I see you crawling_

_To face the truth_

_You're hesitant now_

_Your heart must be burning _

_Ripping and tearing your insides are numb_

_Restless and weak_

_Time to start over_

_Nothing to keep them from emptiness now_

_There's nothing to keep them from emptiness now_

_Promises, shattered pieces_

_Memories of nothing, cowardly _

_You'll face this all alone_

_You know how this will end_

_'Cause the pain inside your head_

_Is cutting yourself thin_

_Nothing to do now_

_When you're buried underground_

_Your promise haunts you now_

_Promises, shattered pieces_

_Memories of nothing, cowardly _

_You'll face this all alone_

_Promises, shattered pieces_

_Memories of nothing, cowardly _

_You'll face this all alone_

_Song: Your Promise_

_By: Mest_

* * *

I held Envidia closer and patted his head; I paused before I continued to speak for some reason I felt odd telling a random cat about my love interest. 

" I…was on an assignment that Mustang, that stupid bastard, had put me on. I was attacked…by chimeras" I paused " Or so I thought"

My face filled with anger at the memory or at least the part when Envy wasn't there, "It was only one…chimera a human fused with a…cheetah I think. She came after, at first I thought there was a hand full of them but there wasn't. It was only her."

I paused and looked at the black kitten and stroke its head as it purred; " She almost killed me…if…if it hadn't been for Envy…I would have died."

I smiled fondly at that part of the memory, how Envy stopped right before she stabbed through my chest, how graceful he was. The way his hair swayed from side to side the shape of his body that way he spoke, everything that was the day I fell in love with him. My deadly sin…I would do anything for him.

I sighed and got out of the tube garbing a towel both for Envidia and me as I dried him I flinched, he meowed. I blinked and realized that I was drying my left arm roughly and a cut or two opened again, I sighed and looked at the cat wrapped him in a towel and placed him down.

I looked at my blood at it started to run freely mixing with the water, I smiled sadly and licked a few droplets away. Envidia pawed at me, I looked down and smiled; "You know…you remind me of him…especially your eyes…you see…I love him…I love Envy. I would do anything for him…because I love him…"

* * *

Envy's pov

* * *

I watched as that stupid chibi's cuts reopened, I had the urge to make them deeper, but as he licked them away, the way his blood laced his lips…was sending me chills up my spine. Scowling or at least I though I was and pawed at his feet trying to get his stupid attention so he could unwrap me from the towel. But what came next, what came out of his mouth…wasn't what I was expecting at all. 

"You know…you remind me of him…especially your eyes…you see…I love him…I love Envy. I would do anything for him because I love him…"

Get one thing clear, Homunculi do NOT blush, and I would rather be caught then be seen blushing. I blinked looking up at Ed, at chibi-san my ears twitched surely I had miss heard. The chibi could be that stupid and naïve …right?

He smiled at me, he flashed that stupid chibish grin at me and picked me up holding me close to his chest I could hear his heart beat slowly. He opened the door; the younger must have been waiting downstairs of something around those lines. He scratched the side of my neck making me purr though I didn't want to but in this feline body it felt good.

He smiled, his once sun-kissed hair covered his face slightly, as he unwrapped the towel around me I was going to make a break for it but then O'chibi-san threw another surprise at me.

" Heh, you know…I did all this for him…" he muttered gesturing to his hair " everything I have done to myself…" he paused again hugging his left arm "…was for him…"

That was when I realized what exactly was on that arm, what was carved on it…my name…in big thin letters. **E-N-V-Y**.

My eyes widen; there was something seriously wrong with this human, something twisted…Heh…how…**convenient**. He smiled one last time at me as he dressed quickly, he slipped his body into a tight fitted black shirt, leather pants that were laced with chains black gloves, boots and black cloak that had replaced his red one. And…let's not forget…his braid…and…eyeliner…

He looked over at me with those gold eyes and kissed the top of my head, I had to restrain myself from scratching him again. He waved and left closing the door and locking it with a click leaving my 'food' by the bedside for me to eat. Though I had no intention in eating it what so ever, no…I have a plan to carry out and it had just gotten easier…a lot easier thanks to me lovey-dovey chibi.

I smirked showing my sharp feline teeth as I shifted form, from cat to my cute preferred form. Sitting on the bed, crossing my leg over my knee a devious smirk had found it's way to my lips.

"So…Hagaren no O'chibi-san is in love with little old me," I said amused by the very thought that I started to laugh darkly; " This is too perfect!"

I stood up gracefully, resting my hands on my hips as I made my way to the phone, I had a …phone call to make easily with this lovely information. No…why should I tell Wrath? After all he's so busy with all his military people that he would care less for my info. No I'll use this to my advantage…after all…father did give me a task and I intend in finishing it to the very last note.

I smirked and opened the window allowing the wind to brush my face, making my dark green hair dance around my face. With the grace and skill I have gathered through my hundred of years I easily reached the buildings rooftop. My amethyst eyes glanced downwards as they followed the chibified blonde, a smikish smile dance on my lips as I followed after him. I couldn't help but be confused as to how Ed would or even could…fall in love with me…

Not that I really care, Homunculi don't need love or at least I don't! I don't require loving , or anything of that sort, but that fact that my chibi-san loves me…just made my job so much easier far more easier. For getting him to open the portal…the Gate for us and Father.

But as I followed him and his brother going eastward, my thoughts couldn't help but drift to that day, and what had happened. I was only there on order, I hadn't meant to come to his saving that…was an accident.

* * *

--------Flash Back-----------

* * *

I sat on the branch of a tree watching the fight play out, the Elrics were separated for once if you think about it. The younger was in Central still or so Lust had told me, and O'chibi-san was here in a deserted part of the city near the outskirts in a warehouse investigating the murders of State Alchemists. 

I rested up against the tree as one of my legs hanged lazily in the air, as my eyes watched the blonde fight off whatever was attacking him. It didn't take long for me to know who and what was attacking him after all, the girl was from the lab where me and Lust were in charge off not too long ago.

"Shit!" he cried voice laced with frustration and worry was plainly seen on his crimson paint face.  
He leaped to his left as the girl chimera reached forward and cut deeply into his side, he cried bloody murder and the red liquid flowed out of his body like a river drenching the dirty ground.

"You fucking bastard!" he roared charging forward, and landing a hit with his bladed arm returning the favor and cutting deeply into her side.

I laughed lightly watching this as if it was a show put on for my amusement, "O' chibi-san has such a filthy mouth…." I mused.

He did a sidekick as his now loose hair swayed around him, strands sticking to his face due to the blood that colored his sun-kissed hair. His eyes were afire, and were glowing with a burning desire that I had never seen inside them and it caused me to smile fondly.

He wanted to kill her…his eyes said it all, the joy they displayed every time that his blade cut into her flesh whenever she gave a painful cry or frustration.

But out of the corner of my eye I noticed something causing them to widen, if the blonde died it would be me who would get punished.

"**ED**!" I cried, doing something I never thought I would ever do…

**_I protected him..._**.

------------------------------TBC--------------------------------------------------------------------

* * *

_  
_

_ Shaking on the outside_

_Because of what I'm feeling inside_

_My chest is fucking hurting_

_And my stomach's fucking burning_

_I laughed when you were crying_

_And say inside you're dying_

_Because you gave up way too early_

_Your fucking pain is so deserving_

_Don't wanna take it_

_Because I fucking hate it_

_Why do we talk when_

_All we do is argue_

_Nothing to be said_

_Except you make me wish I was dead_

_This time I'm breaking up for good_

_I never felt this way before_

_Open chest, heart on the floor_

_I never wished that I was dead_

_Until I met you_

_I fucking hate the way I'm feeling_

_Because my fucking life's not changing_

_You broke me down when you stopped caring_

_Your fucking misery's my healing_

_Don't wanna take it_

_Because I fucking hate it_

_Why do we talk when_

_All we do is argue_

_Nothing to be said_

_Except you make me wish I was dead_

_This time I'm breaking up for good_

_I never felt this way before_

_Open chest, heart on the floor_

_I never wished that I was dead_

_I never felt this way before_

_Open chest, heart on the floor_

_I never wished that I was dead_

_Until I met you_

_(Until I met you)_

_I never felt this way before_

_Open chest, heart on the floor_

_I never wished that I was dead_

_Until I met you_

_I never felt this way before_

_Until I met you_

_I never felt this way before_

_Until I met you_

_Song: Until I met You_

_By: Mest_

* * *

_Yeah it's short sorry school work and all...I'll update soon promise please review  
! Thankyou!_

_-Chibi-chibi-kun_


	8. Through the eyes of a Sin pt II

Hmm...I have not updated this for a llllloooooooonnnnnnnggggggg time...I personally dedicate this chappy to Ashe, a friend from Hagaren Yaoi! Enjoy! I tried to keep him as IC as I could hopfully it would turn out well.

* * *

** What's going on these day's  
I haven't seen you in so long  
What went on those day's  
Why weren't we getting along?**

What went on those days?  
I've missed you so much  
All those times  
That we drank way too much

Everything's gonna be alright  
Let's everybody get along tonight  
There's nothing wrong with peace and unity  
Cuz that's what makes a person free  
To be themselves and that's what we need

What's going on these day's  
I haven't seen you in so long  
What went on those day's  
Why weren't we getting along?  
Now that you're back  
I'm so happy to see you  
Will play some shows  
Drink some beer and smoke a bong or two

Everything's gonna be alright  
Let's everybody get along tonight  
It doesn't matter if you're black or white  
So move on move on move on move on  
That's where I stand  
No regrets no regrets no regrets no regrets  
Just hold my hand

Everything's gonna be alright  
Let's everybody get along tonight  
It doesn't matter if you're black or white  
Cuz that's what makes a person free  
To be themselves and that's what we need  
That's what we need  
So move on move on move on move on  
That's where I stand  
No regrets no regrets no regrets no regrets  
Just hold my hand  
So move on move on move on move on  
That's where I stand  
No regrets no regrets no regrets no regrets  
Just hold my hand  
_Song by: Mest_

Title: Random arrival

* * *

Edward's POV  
Flashback still

* * *

Something stabbed my thigh, crying out in pain and surprise, cursing I look down to only see, the tip of my own blade was broke and stuck into my own skin. Not pausing to think I gripped it with my metal hand and yanked it out, blood spurted out if the small wound as I clapped my hands together mending my broke automail blade so you know I had to do this under a minute!.

I glared at the human chimera, having noticed her only a few moments ago, at first…I thought it was loads of them attacking me at turn. Only now that she had stopped moving, can see that it was she all this time.

"Damn it…" I cursed, holding my thigh as I placed a hand trying to stop the bleeding. My breaths were hollow, as the start to tease us; it caused my open cuts to sting with pain. I hissed like a cat, cursing my head, I heard someone laugh. I looked up eyes narrowed into an icy stare.

"You stupid alchemist…" she oozed out, running a hand through her hair. There were hardly a hand full of cuts on her, yet on me it was double that.

I glared at her, pure hate in my golden colored eyes, " Shut…the…fuck up…" I said between my in takes of breath.

The she-chimera laughed at me, flicking her spotted tail, slit cut eyes looked at me with disgust and she spat on the floor. "Don't you DARE try to give me orders!" she growled and charged forward. With my injured leg I reacted late, and felt her claws swap across my chest, ripping my shirt and blood seeped out. She laughed insanely as she licked her nails clean of my blood; I cursed at her before standing up, she shoot forward and jabbed me in the stomach where I was also bleeding. I gasped for air as blood slipped out of my mouth. She giggle like a little school girl and jumped two feet away from me as I fell to the ground, you have no idea how badly I wanted to kill her.

"Hee…you know…every alchemist I have killed begged for their lives…that one little I killed yesterday…she cried for her mother" she paused, " 'Mommy! Mommy! Where are you mommy?' It was so annoying I just, had to shut her up." She shrugged her shoulders and gazed at me.

I glared at her, standing up leaning to one side before I could straighten myself up, "How…could you…she was just a little girl!"

She looked at me as if I was stupid; "Does it matter? She was an alchemist just like you…and if I let her grow up, she would've just created a monster like me…"

I shook my head, "How the hell would you know!? Who do you think you are, deciding what people will do or won't!?"

She glared at me again, "You bore me…I'll just," she looked at me with glee as she finished her sentence, "finish you off…"

"Wha…"

Before I could react, se was right in front of me, charging in, to fast to dodge her strike and I could see it in her, slit cut eyes…she met to kill me now. I shut my eyes waiting for the blood wrenching strike to hit me, to spill all my blood on to the floor…but it never came…

Instead I saw a blur run in front of me, and I heard a voice…a voice cry out my name…one that I thought would never do such a thing for me.

* * *

Envy's POV

* * *

I did something I thought I would never, ever…do in my whole life as a Homunculus…I saved Ed.

"ED!" I cried as I charged forward, he turned to the sound of my voice, face bloody and eyes dull with pain and the want of killing. But even so I could see the look of surprise on his face, hell I was surprised myself.

Then the sickening sound of flesh ripping and blood dripping down on to the ground as it oozed out of me. I spat out the blood the raised to the top of my throat, making a gagging sound. I heard Ed gasp behind me, paying no attention to him I glared at the chimera and grinned insanely, "Hey there kitty-bitch…" I purred.  
The she-chimera pushed her hand and arm even deeper into my being, I groaned in pain, I HATE pain.

"E-e-envy!" cried the blonde behind me who had fallen on the floor, ass first mind you.

I turned around a little and gave the chibi a full evil smirk, "Make another sound O'chibi-san and you'll me next." I hissed at him as I returned my attention on to the girl before.

"As for you…FUCK. OFF." I muttered as I gripped her arm and pulled it out of my body, feeling the gaping whole in my body I scolded. "Bitch…" I uttered before I transformed my body to rid itself of it's wound. Hell this if my CUTE FORM, I take good care of it.

I through her to the side, her body hitting a tree as I heard a snapping sound, stepping towards her I notice that I merely snapped her back…darn. She gasped as I approached her; I grinned flashing my sharp, pointy teeth. "Night…kitty-cat…" I purred, transforming my arm into a blade, coming down as I slit her throat nice and wide. Stepping back as the blood sprinkled out sweetly, I licked my blade tasting her blood as I transformed it back and turned my back towards the corpse. Maybe I should bring it home for Gluttony to eat? Nah, I'm too lazy.

I turned to face the chibi who was no laying on the floor breathing deeply, it didn't take much to know that he had lost a lot of blood. And if he didn't get medical attention he would die, and Father would punish me…whoop-de-fucking-do.

He looked up at me, his eyes half closed and the golden flare that was always in them, dying. I sighed crouching in front of him and grimaced," Tsk. Tsk, chibi-san why do you always have to cause problems for me?"

"Screw……. You…." he eased out, I shook my head in a mocking way, "Now, now, chibi…it that anyway to talk to the person who has just saved your stupid human life?"

He looked away from me and sighed again, knowing that this would get us no where I stood up and wrapped my arms around the boy holding him up…bridal-style…woo…

He gasped and whimpered from the pain, but didn't struggle against my hold and rested his blonde head against my chest. I could feel his breath play against me, considering the fabric was oh-so-thin.

"Envy…? W…why…" He breathed out as I started our way back to the city, where there would be hospitals. I looked down at him; it reminded me of what happened in laboratory five where I had to carry him back to this younger brother. Even back then I didn't know why I pulled him out…just like why had I just saved his life yet again?

"Hell if I know chibi…hell if I know…"

* * *

Edward's POV

* * *

As I began to fall asleep, Envy's face was crystal clear to me and I couldn't help but smile at him. Before I completely lost myself to the word I breathed out two more words. Again surprising Envy and myself for the second time to day.

"Thank you…. Envy…"

* * *

**It's 2am she said why are you still awake?  
I said, "I can't forget about that guy named Jake"  
He had no friends or family  
And all he wanted was a little money**

And he tries to survive in a life even though, he feels like he might die  
He cries sometimes late at night wondering if everything will ever be all right

There he is again, walking down the street  
He sees a man, some call him Preach  
The preacher sat him down, and gave him time to talk  
And then right then and there, God came into his heart

And he tries to survive in a life even though, he feels like he might die  
He cries sometimes late at night wondering if everything will ever be all right

And he tries to survive in a life even though, he feels like he might die  
He cries sometimes late at night wondering if everything will ever be all right

And he tries to survive in a life even though, he feels like he might die  
He cries sometimes late at night wondering if everything will ever be all right

And he tries to survive in a life even though, he feels like he might die  
He cries sometimes late at night wondering if everything will ever be all right

Ever be all right  
Ever be all right tonight...  
_song:Be alright_

_artist: Mest_

* * *

  
There hope you like it! Please review! 


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